In these moments of losing myself in the Mary's joy at the hope of becoming a mother, I've sort of lost myself. I've contemplated over and over what it must feel like to know the pure joy of that time, when you're anticipating the possibilities of what THIS child will bring to your family. I knew that f feeling or a very short period, many years ago. During those weeks of pregnancy, though too few, Hubby and I did alot of dreaming. We had waited for this child, and prayed and hoped and we knew that our prayers were answered. And since it was early on in our journey, and we had followed the doctor-guided steps, endured it all, to get us to this miracle, we basked in it. We weren't worried about what might happen. We trusted, although it might seem without ultimate naivete, that this child would be in our arms, and we waited joyously, secretly and dreamed of what life would be like. We dreamed that if he were a boy, he would have my deep brown eyes and Hubby's curly hair, and we'd let his hair grow to see if it was true. If she were a girl, we dreamed of my bubbly grin and blonde hair, his gentle smile and hazel eyes. We dreamed, about the possibilities of what our child might be like, the intermingling of us together, of our love, of our joy, of His promise.
And as I thought about our Jamie-Noel this week (all the while parenting the two miracles that have joined our family through amazing miracles as well, in the last five years) it's been intertwined with thoughts of Mary and how she might feel anticipating the birth of her son, of God's Son. How would that feel to know you were chosen by God for this special purpose? Would it leave you breathless, or would you just know that God is Good and knew what was best, and well this is life. I can't imagine the just knowing, but maybe she did. I mean, she was visited by an angel and all. Maybe in that revelation came assurance. I've never felt God's assurance of my role as a mother until all was said and done, until the child was born, and papers were signed and we knew for certain our children would never leave. Did she know certainty? Maybe she did.
But then, maybe she didn't. I don't know if she fully realized what was ahead of her, or took things at face value, or even whether or not she was able to enjoy her pregnancy and the fact, that God's child was in her, that she was the caregiver for His Magnificent Gift to the world. I'm trying to understand from my human perspective ~ afterall, Mary is only human too ~ as someone who has longed most of her life to know the joy of pregnancy and all that comes with it. I can imagine that she embraced it, loved her child like any other mother would.
Did she say her words of praise with the joy of knowing of the life within, or did she, like the rest of us who long for His Birth, who anticipate the celebration of This Child, God With Us, born, di she wait and not fully realize until she saw His gentle baby face and heard his coos and cries that blessed night in a cave outside Bethlehem. Did she know before, or like the rest of us, wait and see and then believe?
When did she come to realize fully ~ as in more than from the words of the angel but in the seeping into her soul ~ that not only was Her Child hers to hold and love and care for, but He was God's Child. He was hers and her soon-to-be husband's child here on earth, but He was also a God's as well.
PART OF HEAVEN
Bed of Hay, Earthen floor
Strangers walk through the door
I wanted much more for You
Look at Him, can't you tell
All is fine, All is well
And the Word of the Angel is true
He's part of you and He's part of me
He's part of heaven
He's part of you and He's part of me
He's part of heaven
By my side every day
Underfoot and in my way
Give me wisdom, I pray, O Lord
He is ours for awhile
Every tear and every smile
Till He's everyone's Child to adore
He's part of you and He's part of me
He's part of heaven
He's part of you and He's part of me
He's part of Heaven
~ from the CD This Gift by Gary Chapman
(c) 1992, lyrics by Thom Schuyler/Music by Craig Bickhardt
I heard this song this morning while baking a cake and it hit me in an eerily roundabout way. Jamie-Noel, my precious baby lost, the one I've spent so much time dreaming of, was not only mine, but God's child. And she is where He wants her to be right now. And there's peace in knowing that.
And these two precious loves that I hold and love and care for each day are also His. And He chose me, in a very roundabout way, to be their Momma here on earth. He chose me to be their Momma through all sorts of hard circumstances both in my life and the life of others we love. No, God did not intent them to be my children to raise, but another mothers in the beginning. But then, in the end, God having to send His Only Son to the world, into a manger no less, to live and then to endure the cross, well, I believe that was not God's first plan, but one by His Grace put into place when we fell so hard in our Eden, away from what He really wanted for us.
And just like Mary, I am mother as God's second, albeit equally important, plan. These children are a part of me, and their Daddy, and their other parents, and... God.
And just like Mary, we have been chosen to raise these children to carry out God's plan for the world, in a different way of course, but each one of them, still the hands and feet of Jesus to a world dying in their own Eden. Don't get me wrong... I'm no Mary. And my children are not God made human. But as believers, we have to start seeing ourselves as the extension of God's work made perfect through Christ's life and death and resurrection, or the power of the Gospel will be lost to the world.
Just like me, I can imagine it took Mary to physically see and touch her baby to really know Who He was. And my children, just like Jesus was to Mary, are here for only a little while, and are given into my care to prepare them for their purpose in the world. I pray I'm upto the task.
Heavenly Father ~ I am overwhelmed by the gift of Your Son to our world. And I am overwhelmed by how you chose to save me from all my lostness. Overwhelmed at the thought that your Son died for me. And overwhelmed by the task of all that you've called me to. May I know YOUR joy, the joy you intended for me, each and every day. I want to live always longing for more of you, and I pray for wisdom to know when You speak, I must act, both as I raise my family and as I share Christ through my own life. You have created us a part of you, and that overwhelms me too. Please God, let me know your Joy. Amen.
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label joy. Show all posts
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
O Come.
This week is traditionally the time of Advent when we consider Joy.
I've practically been lost in The Magnificat, the song of praise Mary, the expecting mother of Jesus. This passage of Scripture found in the first chapter of the Gospel of Luke moves me every time I read it (which frankly is not often enough).
Luke 1:45 are the words of her older cousing Elizabeth who is also, hope against hope, for she was barren, and miracle of miracles, for she was getting up there in years, was finally pregnant. Mary came to visit her and Elizabeth, upon Mary's arrival, felt her own child leap in her womb. She longed for a child and her prayers were answered.
And Elizabeth knew. She knew about Mary because the Holy Spirit live in her. Elizabeth, who is described as a woman who lived blameless, knew. And she said, "Mary, you are blessed ~ or maybe, will be blessed ~ because you believed that the words of the LORD would be fulfilled".
And in response, Mary's words, a beautiful hymn of praise to God found in Luke 1...
My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.
Surely from now on all generations will call me blessed
for the Mighty One has done great things for me.
His mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts.
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones and lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy,
according to the promise he made to our ancestors, to Abraham
and to his descendants forever.
There are so many reasons why Mary's words mean so much to me, reasons that have formed over the years. First, Mary praises so innocently and simply, basking in the promises of her Lord. I don't know if she's endured any hard thing before this major turn of events ~ getting pregnant out of wedlock a big deal here. She is very young by our standards.
Her words are innocent and simple but are fully loaded with understanding. She's not blind to what is happening to her, although I can't imagine that she understands it all. She longs for things to be made right in the world, just like everyone else does, and sees herself, finally, as a possible conduit for bringing justice to the world. That is something to rejoice! To know you lived blessed because God has asked for your help to bring about his plan of deliverance... that blessing is not something we all covet, as I imagine it for her, and I know it for me, to be not entirely free of struggle. But she is living in hope, and joyful that this day is come. I don't believe that she could know all that would happen to her, to her Son, but she was trusting here, that God would do His thing, that God would keep His promises. So she praised!
Not only are her words simple and innocent, the are prophetic. A woman prophet... gasp! For all those who think that God does not and will not use women in speaking His Words to His people, they better consider how Mary's praise is prophecy. She is telling all of us what Jesus, even as he is still a tiny babe nesting in her womb, was about to do. Again, did she completely understand it all? Probably not. I'm not sure any prophet understands every word he or she is asked to bring, but she spoke them with boldness and joy. She is a prophet, and she speaks about justice more than anything. And I firmly believe that only through justice, and knowing we are working to bring God's Kingdom to this world, and therefore, a more just world to this earth, only through justice can we truly find JOY.
And Mary's audience is not lost on me either. She is singing to her barren cousin and confidant. Yeah, Elizabeth may be "with child" but she is barren. Elizabeth I am certain knows longing and it is this exact longing, that of a child to hold and to love, to nurture and to cherish, that makes me feel this all so very much. There is nothing just about barrenness, about who gets to be a parent and who doesn't, but GOD IS JUST. And that has taught me, even though I rarely am able to express this yet, that joy comes in the realizing that God's justice does and will bring what we need in our lives, but more importantly, through us He will bring what the world ~ the bigger picture, the stuff bigger than my own barrenness ~ needs. He has chosen us, just like He chose Mary, to bring His love and life to the world. Therein lies the joy.
There is joy even in the longing. Mary says it in her words. She's not saying "this has happened" but "look at what God has put into motion! The possibilities are His and endless because He keeps His Promises and He promised to deliver us from the injustice in the world."
And that makes me cry even louder as I long for His birth to happen in my life yet again... O COME! And Let Us Rejoice!
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyrannyF
rom depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel... Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
~ Latin hymn, 12th century
O Come!
I've practically been lost in The Magnificat, the song of praise Mary, the expecting mother of Jesus. This passage of Scripture found in the first chapter of the Gospel of Luke moves me every time I read it (which frankly is not often enough).
Luke 1:45 are the words of her older cousing Elizabeth who is also, hope against hope, for she was barren, and miracle of miracles, for she was getting up there in years, was finally pregnant. Mary came to visit her and Elizabeth, upon Mary's arrival, felt her own child leap in her womb. She longed for a child and her prayers were answered.
And Elizabeth knew. She knew about Mary because the Holy Spirit live in her. Elizabeth, who is described as a woman who lived blameless, knew. And she said, "Mary, you are blessed ~ or maybe, will be blessed ~ because you believed that the words of the LORD would be fulfilled".
And in response, Mary's words, a beautiful hymn of praise to God found in Luke 1...
My soul magnifies the Lord,
and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
for he has looked with favor on the lowliness of his servant.
Surely from now on all generations will call me blessed
for the Mighty One has done great things for me.
His mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.
He has shown strength with his arm;
he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts.
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones and lifted up the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
and sent the rich away empty.
He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of His mercy,
according to the promise he made to our ancestors, to Abraham
and to his descendants forever.
There are so many reasons why Mary's words mean so much to me, reasons that have formed over the years. First, Mary praises so innocently and simply, basking in the promises of her Lord. I don't know if she's endured any hard thing before this major turn of events ~ getting pregnant out of wedlock a big deal here. She is very young by our standards.
Her words are innocent and simple but are fully loaded with understanding. She's not blind to what is happening to her, although I can't imagine that she understands it all. She longs for things to be made right in the world, just like everyone else does, and sees herself, finally, as a possible conduit for bringing justice to the world. That is something to rejoice! To know you lived blessed because God has asked for your help to bring about his plan of deliverance... that blessing is not something we all covet, as I imagine it for her, and I know it for me, to be not entirely free of struggle. But she is living in hope, and joyful that this day is come. I don't believe that she could know all that would happen to her, to her Son, but she was trusting here, that God would do His thing, that God would keep His promises. So she praised!
Not only are her words simple and innocent, the are prophetic. A woman prophet... gasp! For all those who think that God does not and will not use women in speaking His Words to His people, they better consider how Mary's praise is prophecy. She is telling all of us what Jesus, even as he is still a tiny babe nesting in her womb, was about to do. Again, did she completely understand it all? Probably not. I'm not sure any prophet understands every word he or she is asked to bring, but she spoke them with boldness and joy. She is a prophet, and she speaks about justice more than anything. And I firmly believe that only through justice, and knowing we are working to bring God's Kingdom to this world, and therefore, a more just world to this earth, only through justice can we truly find JOY.
And Mary's audience is not lost on me either. She is singing to her barren cousin and confidant. Yeah, Elizabeth may be "with child" but she is barren. Elizabeth I am certain knows longing and it is this exact longing, that of a child to hold and to love, to nurture and to cherish, that makes me feel this all so very much. There is nothing just about barrenness, about who gets to be a parent and who doesn't, but GOD IS JUST. And that has taught me, even though I rarely am able to express this yet, that joy comes in the realizing that God's justice does and will bring what we need in our lives, but more importantly, through us He will bring what the world ~ the bigger picture, the stuff bigger than my own barrenness ~ needs. He has chosen us, just like He chose Mary, to bring His love and life to the world. Therein lies the joy.
There is joy even in the longing. Mary says it in her words. She's not saying "this has happened" but "look at what God has put into motion! The possibilities are His and endless because He keeps His Promises and He promised to deliver us from the injustice in the world."
And that makes me cry even louder as I long for His birth to happen in my life yet again... O COME! And Let Us Rejoice!
O come, O come, Emmanuel
And ransom captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Rod of Jesse, free
Thine own from Satan's tyrannyF
rom depths of Hell Thy people save
And give them victory o'er the grave
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel... Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Day-Spring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death's dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, Thou Key of David, come,
And open wide our heavenly home;
Make safe the way that leads on high,
And close the path to misery.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
O come, O come, Thou Lord of might,
Who to Thy tribes, on Sinai's height,
In ancient times did'st give the Law,
In cloud, and majesty and awe.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel...Shall come to thee, O Israel.
~ Latin hymn, 12th century
O Come!
Friday, October 12, 2007
The Life of the Party and The Discipline of Celebration
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say, rejoice!
~ Phil 4 ~
I shared on You Just Never Know (for those who may be finding this blog first, it's my home, where I've been writing and my life and hope for 2 1/2 years now) about an experiment on this discipline I did just last night. It started out as an attempt to understand my dear, precious 3 1/2 year old daughter better, and turned into me recognizing that most of the time, my mind and heart doesn't automatically turn to joy anymore, not like it used to. I guess I've let the hard things become my focus and not the joy that almost always surrounds the tough times of life, if in fact, we are willing to consider that maybe, just maybe there might be something to look at in the sky besides the black hole of heartache. There's lotto stars out there I say...Why not look at them?
And that experience of last eve brought back to mind this chapter of Pastor Ortberg's book, the discipline he actually speaks of first, that of Celebration. Celebration as discipline? What in the...???? Yeah, that's what I thought. My first thought when I saw the title the first time around was more like "hey, I work hard to stay disciplined so that I could get things done otherwise my leanings towards being a girl who just wants to have fun would take over. House would be a mess. Kids would be dirty and unclothed. Bills wouldn't get paid. And on and on and on... Discipline Baby. Not the party.
But wait... if the words of Paul that I've quoted at the beginning of this post are truly ordained from the mouth of God then... what in the world is wrong with a little joy around?
That is the ultimate question. Pastor Ortberg quotes Lewis Smedes, another favorite author saying this:
To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence.
Wow. Um, pretty blunt. I'm not existing as the human I was created to be if I'm not experiencing joy. Wow. That hurts.
But why does it hurt? Mostly maybe because if I am to believe that I was created to be a joyful person, then why all the heartache, grief and pain that is a part of being human as well? If joy is IT, then why make it hard to experience it?
Ortberg even goes on to say very plainly that "joylessness is a SERIOUS sin" and the one that is most often tolerated by the church. That too, big OUCH. If experiencing joy is the reason I exist and is in fact, the most serious of sins, then why does it seem so elusive?
My answer is one that honestly, is pretty tough to admit. Truth is, maybe I don't experience much joy in my life (and believe me, God has given me a multitude of wonderful blessings to celebrate) is because I have made my grief and pain a trophy. Instead of celebrating God's goodness and his strength to lift me up through all the tough stuff, I want to hang on without help so I have something to complain about, something to hold up and say "here, look at me...I hurt! Or... lookie here, you hurt me!" And sometimes the grief trophy is thrust towards heaven with shouts to God of "YOU DO THIS TO ME!!! And I'm gonna stay mad at you for as long as I like, thank you very much!"
Don't get me wrong. Pain is real. Loss is real. And it hurts on so many levels and we do have to grieve for it all. We have to feel it. But for me, I've broken down in the middle of it all, and most of the time, even if it's not intentional because I'm not looking back at God with eyes wide open...I only see the shadows around the heaviness that clouds my true vision, I don't much further that to see the pain, and not the joy that surrounds the whole of the experience of living on this earth as a child of God.
I've lived for a long time believing that for the most part, every experience in life has two sides. At least in my life. And right now, and in the last several months (or dare I say years...ouch once more...) I've lived focusing not on the sweet, only the bitter. I have lived saddened by the experiences I have thought were withheld or the prayers I have deemed unanswered instead of rejoicing in the very experiences and answered prayers that have given my the pile of blessings, two of who are napping snug in their wee beds right now, another on a rooftop somewhere earning a living and .... (on and on... you get the picture... I'll have to save for another day the "count your blessings" post!)
Joy is necessary and I need to take the practice of it VERY seriously. I need to be disciplined about basking in the joy of each situation, arrange my life so that my joy is my strength and the joy of the Lord overwhelms me with power.
And I need to start now. I need to live knowing that the situation of my life, hard as it may or may not be by anyone's standards may not change for awhile, or ever. We may not ever feel settled. I may not ever be able to live a day without pain in my body. But I'm alive today. And from somewhere... Lord, help me, and that is a prayer... has to come a defiant spirit that says "I will live in joy, not sadness. I will experience joy, not resentment. I will make room for joy, not let the joy of any experience pass me by... I will..."
This is the day that the Lord has made.
I will rejoice and be glad in it.
~ Psalm 118:24 ~
Celebrate.
Starting Now.
Well... I've already tried it today. It was a disciplined act but I did it anyway. This morning, I'm mopping the floor. Gotta have a clean floor you know. Kids are not happy because Momma is mopping the floor. And all the while, trying to get lunch going. Then Bug hollers, "look Momma a bird!" In a split decision I made a decision to go, be with her, and look at the bird. It was a blue bird, one that has been back and forth from our front to backyard from early Spring. Beautiful. And now that the trees are bare, she can't hide from us. We sat there together at the front window for a couple minutes, just watching the bird, silently watching together. Then she flew away and I said "where is she going". And Bug said, "I'm sure she has to go get lunch ready. Or maybe mop the floor." Gulp...sigh...that's what Momma bird's do I guess, in Bug's eyes. So this Momma Bird has decided to slow down when she can and just be with her Baby Birds. And celebrate their lives with them.
Celebrate.
Starting Now.
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