So much of life's battles for me, are fought in the wrong arena, letting others hurt me deeply because they don't say the what I need to hear to be affirmed, or because they put their needs first without considering the sacrifice of others.  Even though I can say I don't sit here and think "what can I do to make myself miserable in this" I let others judge me, my performance, my choices, and put their stamp on it, to my detriment.

Or even, and this is even worse now that I think about it, I do work very hard at time to try to 'gain the world' by seeking to do first what I think others want from me...by saying what I think others want me to hear...by giving up my call to speak truth in love to save face...by trying to make sure that I'm doing it all right in the sight of others in order to be accepted, at least for a little while.

I've got it all wrong.

Sara Groves would never say she's a theologian or pastor, but in this song she proclaims the bottom line truth of it all.

As Sara said, "you can't live for someone else" ... the concept of "you complete me" is ludricrous. No other person on earth can fulfill that part. No other person but God gives the final word about who I am and what I've done and whether or not I am worth anything.

I just can't do it anymore.  I can't live trying to make everyone happy all the time, or live up to the expectations others put on me.  I can't always have the right words.  I can't always guard my heart from loving.  I can't always freely love when someone else has hurt me time and again.  And the crazy thing in giving up this needing approval, needing to always say or do exactly what I think others want me to do or say, could possible, probably free me to be exactly who God intended me to be when He created me... who Christ intends me to be because He redeemed me.  That's the neat thing of it all. 

He is my audience. God.  Alone.  This journey is the one he gave me.  I intend not to give up another day trying to live someone else's journey. 

God is my audience of One.

This Journey is no one else's but mine, the one the ONE gave me, and I intend to remember that.


From Sara Groves' album "Conversations":
When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own


Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
So much of what I do is to make a good impression
this journey is my own

And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own
And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life

And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down

And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own

And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’

Oh, this journey is my own