So much of life's battles for me, are fought in the wrong arena, letting others hurt me deeply because they don't say the what I need to hear to be affirmed, or because they put their needs first without considering the sacrifice of others. Even though I can say I don't sit here and think "what can I do to make myself miserable in this" I let others judge me, my performance, my choices, and put their stamp on it, to my detriment.
Or even, and this is even worse now that I think about it, I do work very hard at time to try to 'gain the world' by seeking to do first what I think others want from me...by saying what I think others want me to hear...by giving up my call to speak truth in love to save face...by trying to make sure that I'm doing it all right in the sight of others in order to be accepted, at least for a little while.
I've got it all wrong.
Sara Groves would never say she's a theologian or pastor, but in this song she proclaims the bottom line truth of it all.
As Sara said, "you can't live for someone else" ... the concept of "you complete me" is ludricrous. No other person on earth can fulfill that part. No other person but God gives the final word about who I am and what I've done and whether or not I am worth anything.
I just can't do it anymore. I can't live trying to make everyone happy all the time, or live up to the expectations others put on me. I can't always have the right words. I can't always guard my heart from loving. I can't always freely love when someone else has hurt me time and again. And the crazy thing in giving up this needing approval, needing to always say or do exactly what I think others want me to do or say, could possible, probably free me to be exactly who God intended me to be when He created me... who Christ intends me to be because He redeemed me. That's the neat thing of it all.
He is my audience. God. Alone. This journey is the one he gave me. I intend not to give up another day trying to live someone else's journey.
God is my audience of One.
This Journey is no one else's but mine, the one the ONE gave me, and I intend to remember that.
From Sara Groves' album "Conversations":
When I stand before the Lord, I’ll be standing alone
This journey is my own
Still I want man’s advice, and I need man’s approval
This journey is my own
Why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
What does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
So much of what I do is to make a good impression
this journey is my own
And so much of what I say is to make myself look better
But this journey is my own
And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And I have never felt relief like I feel it right now
This journey is my own
Cuz trying to please the world, it was breaking me down
It was breaking me down
And now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Now I live and I breathe for an audience of one
Cuz I know this journey is my own
And why would I want to live for man, and pay the highest price
And what does it mean to gain a whole world, only to lose my life
And you can live for someone else, and it will only bring you pain
I can’t even judge myself, only the Lord can say, ‘Well done.’
Oh, this journey is my own
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Character, you say?
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved. ~ Helen Keller
We can, if we want, embrace our suffering. You know why? Well... suffering produces endurance... endurance brings on character and character, well, it creates a whole lotta hope and hope, it never, ever disappoints us when we let God's love fill us up. (my translation, Romans 5:3-5)
I can't help it. I'm a hopeless hoper. I've been carrying around a whole lot of stuff, unexpected events in our family life that has created small earthquakes in relationships, in our hearts... on top of unhealed, re-opened wounds that just need time I guess... a weariness built over time that hangs on... and yet...
I hope. I wake up each morning hoping, not out of naivete that the world will right itself before the sun sets, but with the hope that whatever we have endured, or will endure, will produce in us a character that is unstoppable in its ability to move forward, to make a difference, to speak into the lives of others who might be enduring unexpected twists and unrelenting pain.
I hope anyway... I believe that when God's love is center that hope works, and lasts and I just have to endure.
And it gets me through the day. I believe I am better for having endured. I live in the center of that kind of hope.
Friday, September 17, 2010
It's Simple
In trying to live a simpler life in many areas, and right now when it seems impossible, I was encouraged by this quote from Winston Churchill...
And I will add to this, the fruit that living a Spirit-filled life brings ~ and the only way that living out the 'great things' of which Mr. Churchill spoke ~ as the Apostle Paul outlined in his letter to the Church of Galatia:
All the great things are simple, and many can be expressed in a single word: freedom, justice, honor, duty, mercy, hope.
And I will add to this, the fruit that living a Spirit-filled life brings ~ and the only way that living out the 'great things' of which Mr. Churchill spoke ~ as the Apostle Paul outlined in his letter to the Church of Galatia:
"But when the Holy Spirit controls our life, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience (longsuffering), kindness (compassion), goodness (generosity), faith (in relationships and beliefs), gentleness and self-control." (Galatians 5:22-23)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Lenten Readings for Morning
Psalm 41
David talks alot about his enemies. He does to the point that I times I wonder if he was paranoid about those who might be out to get him. He seems to trust God to to be gracious to him but still, he worries. Or at least that is how it seems to this worry wart.
I'm good at begging for God's grace but not so good at trusting that God will take care of me. And in the end, I don't think David was paranoid, mostly because there are times where things happen (like this morning...I won't even go into it) where I want to cry out "God, I know that THIS isn't a big deal, but to me, it feels like so much piling on. Couldn't you be more gracious to me?" Some days are like that. Some days are a battle and recognizing that our enemies ~ most often not human but rather situational or even ourselves ~ are God's to take care of as well. We can imagine the worst, and still live knowing that if we live with integrity (12), we enjoy God's eternal presence and blessed grace.
Psalm 52
I don't know about you, but I've always considered the Psalms to be, for the most part, a soothing place. There aren't the outright fierce battles or onvious betrayal of the historical books. There isn't the droning on and on of the law. There isn't the confusion of the prophetics. But then I read this Psalm and am reminded of how much of praying can be, will be, should be 'lament'.
Lament is when we cry out to God in our anger, or fear, or frustration. For me, lament isn't a call for an answer. It's a vent. And wow, is the Psalmist venting here. He is speaking to someone who has betrayed him, deceived him. And he is mad.
It's okay to be mad sometimes especially when someone has done wrong against us. It is not okay to blame God or to seek vengeance. And it is not okay to carry the burden of the anger around with us, holding grudges, bringing up old things, the proverbial buried hatchet with the handle still exposed. When we use lament, we also have to take the responsibility upon ourselves of actually leaving it with God and letting him carry out his justice if need be. It may not seem like God is doing what we think he should, but it isn't our problem anymore.
Instead, our job becomes "trusting the steadfast love of God forever" (8), being thankful for what he has done and will do for us and proclaiming his good name to others. (9) The rest must be left up to God.
Genesis 37:1-11
Joseph dreams. Poor soul. It's hard being different from your siblings. It's hard being misunderstood. It's hard having a different dream. I guess what Joseph should have done was kept his mouth shut in order to preserve his place among his brothers. That would have been the mature thing to do, not to boast about his dreams. And he learned his lesson the hard way.
Sometimes we say the wrong thing and it messes with our relationships. I do believe I might be like Joseph in this way. I am still learning about when to speak up and when to be quiet. And I just pray that lessons learned along the way will eventually result in God being able to use me is as great a way as he was able to use Joseph, whose leadership abilities, and willingness to speak up even when it could have hurt him, saved the nation of Israel.
Mark 1:1-13
Mark gets right to the point in the beginning of this Gospel. He doesn't mess around with births and wise men and all that stuff. His point is about Jesus' calling into ministry, and the miracles he does that shows WHO He is.
And in this passage, the authenticity of Jesus is proclaimed as He was foretold through the work of the messenger that came ahead (2) John the Baptist. The authenticity of Jesus was witness in Jesus' baptism through the words of God from the skies: "This is MY Son". The authenticity of Jesus was then tested and Jesus passed with flying colors. There is no reason to doubt who Jesus is from the very beginning.
Of course, that is easy for me to say. I sit here with Bible in hand, seeing it with full vision of all that happened. But Mark's opening words were designed to help the hearers see that Jesus was Who He said He was.
David talks alot about his enemies. He does to the point that I times I wonder if he was paranoid about those who might be out to get him. He seems to trust God to to be gracious to him but still, he worries. Or at least that is how it seems to this worry wart.
I'm good at begging for God's grace but not so good at trusting that God will take care of me. And in the end, I don't think David was paranoid, mostly because there are times where things happen (like this morning...I won't even go into it) where I want to cry out "God, I know that THIS isn't a big deal, but to me, it feels like so much piling on. Couldn't you be more gracious to me?" Some days are like that. Some days are a battle and recognizing that our enemies ~ most often not human but rather situational or even ourselves ~ are God's to take care of as well. We can imagine the worst, and still live knowing that if we live with integrity (12), we enjoy God's eternal presence and blessed grace.
Psalm 52
I don't know about you, but I've always considered the Psalms to be, for the most part, a soothing place. There aren't the outright fierce battles or onvious betrayal of the historical books. There isn't the droning on and on of the law. There isn't the confusion of the prophetics. But then I read this Psalm and am reminded of how much of praying can be, will be, should be 'lament'.
Lament is when we cry out to God in our anger, or fear, or frustration. For me, lament isn't a call for an answer. It's a vent. And wow, is the Psalmist venting here. He is speaking to someone who has betrayed him, deceived him. And he is mad.
It's okay to be mad sometimes especially when someone has done wrong against us. It is not okay to blame God or to seek vengeance. And it is not okay to carry the burden of the anger around with us, holding grudges, bringing up old things, the proverbial buried hatchet with the handle still exposed. When we use lament, we also have to take the responsibility upon ourselves of actually leaving it with God and letting him carry out his justice if need be. It may not seem like God is doing what we think he should, but it isn't our problem anymore.
Instead, our job becomes "trusting the steadfast love of God forever" (8), being thankful for what he has done and will do for us and proclaiming his good name to others. (9) The rest must be left up to God.
Genesis 37:1-11
Joseph dreams. Poor soul. It's hard being different from your siblings. It's hard being misunderstood. It's hard having a different dream. I guess what Joseph should have done was kept his mouth shut in order to preserve his place among his brothers. That would have been the mature thing to do, not to boast about his dreams. And he learned his lesson the hard way.
Sometimes we say the wrong thing and it messes with our relationships. I do believe I might be like Joseph in this way. I am still learning about when to speak up and when to be quiet. And I just pray that lessons learned along the way will eventually result in God being able to use me is as great a way as he was able to use Joseph, whose leadership abilities, and willingness to speak up even when it could have hurt him, saved the nation of Israel.
Mark 1:1-13
Mark gets right to the point in the beginning of this Gospel. He doesn't mess around with births and wise men and all that stuff. His point is about Jesus' calling into ministry, and the miracles he does that shows WHO He is.
And in this passage, the authenticity of Jesus is proclaimed as He was foretold through the work of the messenger that came ahead (2) John the Baptist. The authenticity of Jesus was witness in Jesus' baptism through the words of God from the skies: "This is MY Son". The authenticity of Jesus was then tested and Jesus passed with flying colors. There is no reason to doubt who Jesus is from the very beginning.
Of course, that is easy for me to say. I sit here with Bible in hand, seeing it with full vision of all that happened. But Mark's opening words were designed to help the hearers see that Jesus was Who He said He was.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Lenten Readings for Evening
Psalm 103
I love, love, love this Psalm. The rhythm of the words when read aloud...the lyrical nature of the verse structure. It always amazes me to read passages like this in Scripture, mostly because I know that I'm not reading in the original language, in the way it was intended to be read, but rather, a lesser translation. And still, the beauty of God's hand on the scribe shines through.
And in reading, there is worship by stating fully what God is done and being grateful... forgives my iniquities...heals my diseases...redeems my life from the depths...crowns me with mercy and steadfast love...who gives good life and renewed strength.
Thank you God! Thank you for your mercy and grace showered upon me. My soul is blessed by all that you have done for me and I am grateful!
You are a God who doesn't get angry easily, and oh, am I ever grateful for that.
You are a God who shows mercy, who doesn't treat me how I really ought to be treated, and oh, and I grateful for that.
You are a God who has compassion on your children.
You are a God whose love goes on and one, whose will love my children and their children as much as you love me. And oh, I am grateful for that!
Bless you, O LORD!
Hebrews 2: 10-18
I took a semester long class on Hebrews while in Seminary. And I tell you, I'm not sure I understand it any better than I did then! This is one complex letter (and always led my professor to say that because it is so complex and hard to understand, and the author is not named, he was certain it must have been written by a woman! He named Priscilla. I like his way of thinking!) But I digress...
Is this passage about the change that can come through suffering? Jesus lowered Himself to be like us, and even though He didn't need to suffer for His own salvation, He also knew there was nothing that we ~ his brother and sisters ~ could do to save ourselves.
Does suffering and pain "perfect" us? Does it save us? Jesus had to suffer for us. Does our pain and suffering make us more perfect followers of Christ, more perfect leaders of His people in the church?
It was only in His dying that Jesus was able to break the power of evil in the lives of humans. And since He suffered this way, He knows. He knows what we are going through and is able to pray to the Father to protect us from temptation, and to perfect us to be servants in His church.
I love, love, love this Psalm. The rhythm of the words when read aloud...the lyrical nature of the verse structure. It always amazes me to read passages like this in Scripture, mostly because I know that I'm not reading in the original language, in the way it was intended to be read, but rather, a lesser translation. And still, the beauty of God's hand on the scribe shines through.
And in reading, there is worship by stating fully what God is done and being grateful... forgives my iniquities...heals my diseases...redeems my life from the depths...crowns me with mercy and steadfast love...who gives good life and renewed strength.
Thank you God! Thank you for your mercy and grace showered upon me. My soul is blessed by all that you have done for me and I am grateful!
You are a God who doesn't get angry easily, and oh, am I ever grateful for that.
You are a God who shows mercy, who doesn't treat me how I really ought to be treated, and oh, and I grateful for that.
You are a God who has compassion on your children.
You are a God whose love goes on and one, whose will love my children and their children as much as you love me. And oh, I am grateful for that!
Bless you, O LORD!
Hebrews 2: 10-18
I took a semester long class on Hebrews while in Seminary. And I tell you, I'm not sure I understand it any better than I did then! This is one complex letter (and always led my professor to say that because it is so complex and hard to understand, and the author is not named, he was certain it must have been written by a woman! He named Priscilla. I like his way of thinking!) But I digress...
Is this passage about the change that can come through suffering? Jesus lowered Himself to be like us, and even though He didn't need to suffer for His own salvation, He also knew there was nothing that we ~ his brother and sisters ~ could do to save ourselves.
Does suffering and pain "perfect" us? Does it save us? Jesus had to suffer for us. Does our pain and suffering make us more perfect followers of Christ, more perfect leaders of His people in the church?
It was only in His dying that Jesus was able to break the power of evil in the lives of humans. And since He suffered this way, He knows. He knows what we are going through and is able to pray to the Father to protect us from temptation, and to perfect us to be servants in His church.
Lenten Readings for Morning
Psalm 63
He is here. God is here. From a dry and thirsty place I long for his soothing, refreshing Spirit to overwhelm me. The Psalmist does too. I sense in this Psalm an intimacy between the writer and God, something I truly long for, have felt I admit at times, but right now, deeply long for with my Creator. I'm getting there I think. Even this Lenten Journey, like David as he wandered in a wilderness, is about seeking and opening and thirsting and longing. And knowing God is there rejoicing....He is here. I just have to be even more open to His Love, His Power, His Glory in my life. I long for that intimacy.
Psalm 98
The phrase "make a joyful noise" always makes me giggle a little, remembering some of the children's choirs I've had the privilege of directing. Noise it is! But God loves it! Singing...Roaring Sea...Clapping Floods...Singing Hills...All the world's inhabitants can't help themselves but to "make a joyful noise" in praise to the LORD who...
has done marvelous things.
has won the victory.
has shown his vindication.
has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to His people.
is coming to judge the earth with righteousness and equity.
Praise be to God for His mighty works! I will not let the seas and hills make noise without me! Praise the LORD!
Daniel 9:3-10
Well, at least it's not Ezekiel (see previous entries). But Daniel? These Old Testament Lessons are not for the faint of heart. I always read the Book of Daniel (don't even think about talking or preaching it) with fear and trepidation. It's a complicated book full of foreshadowing and prophecy like none other in the Old Testament. And it's hard for me to speak to a specific passage without feeling a little worry about not digging into the entire context of this book. All of it informs the rest and I don't want to misinterpret.
With that wild disclaimer, what jumps out to me first in the passage is this... confession. Utter humility in confessing on behalf of himself and a nation the "open shame that falls on us". This is raw admission of guilt, folks. This is what we have done God. We have not followed you as you asked. We have disobeyed your commands. You are righteous, God. We are filled with shame. You are a great and awesome God who has kept your part of the covenant. We are a shameful people who have not kept ours. You are merciful and forgiving, God. We are rebels and sinners.
And this passage, where it ends at verse 10, leaves the prayer of confession wide open. There is no God (yet!) saying "I show you mercy. I forgive you. I love you." And therein, is the core of the Lenten Season. We live in these days, the moments of confession, of wondering and waiting for a Savior who can finally forgive us. Am I in the spirit of confession, of admitting my shame, of laying it out there, of acknowledging my failure to God in order to be prepared for His full and final forgiveness of my sin that came when the righteous, great, awesome, merciful and forgiving God was willingly nailed to a cross to bear the burden of my shame and rebellion and sin?
John 12: 44-50
What hits me head on in this teaching of Jesus ... "for I came not to judge the world but to save it" is that it is the response to Daniel's prayer of confession on behalf of his nation that we just saw in the Old Testament lesson. Daniel confesses and I think that he and the nation believed that God's wrath would come down on them, that God, who has every right to, was going to judge and punish them. \
But not so fast. Years ticked by...God was waiting for His Time to be complete, to come near. And Jesus is the Answer to the confession of our hearts. He ~ God ~ does not carry judgement at the core of his being. Yes, he has the right to judge and will/does, BUT... by Jesus's own words, God doesn't ultimately desire judgement, but for all His people to be saved and live eternally with Him.
There's not denying that someone has to take the punishment for what we have done. God cannot let sin be. There must be consequences. But Jesus... our righteous, great, awesome, merciful, forgiving God... spread out His arms wide to take our sins on himself. He came to save.
He is here. God is here. From a dry and thirsty place I long for his soothing, refreshing Spirit to overwhelm me. The Psalmist does too. I sense in this Psalm an intimacy between the writer and God, something I truly long for, have felt I admit at times, but right now, deeply long for with my Creator. I'm getting there I think. Even this Lenten Journey, like David as he wandered in a wilderness, is about seeking and opening and thirsting and longing. And knowing God is there rejoicing....He is here. I just have to be even more open to His Love, His Power, His Glory in my life. I long for that intimacy.
Psalm 98
The phrase "make a joyful noise" always makes me giggle a little, remembering some of the children's choirs I've had the privilege of directing. Noise it is! But God loves it! Singing...Roaring Sea...Clapping Floods...Singing Hills...All the world's inhabitants can't help themselves but to "make a joyful noise" in praise to the LORD who...
has done marvelous things.
has won the victory.
has shown his vindication.
has remembered his steadfast love and faithfulness to His people.
is coming to judge the earth with righteousness and equity.
Praise be to God for His mighty works! I will not let the seas and hills make noise without me! Praise the LORD!
Daniel 9:3-10
Well, at least it's not Ezekiel (see previous entries). But Daniel? These Old Testament Lessons are not for the faint of heart. I always read the Book of Daniel (don't even think about talking or preaching it) with fear and trepidation. It's a complicated book full of foreshadowing and prophecy like none other in the Old Testament. And it's hard for me to speak to a specific passage without feeling a little worry about not digging into the entire context of this book. All of it informs the rest and I don't want to misinterpret.
With that wild disclaimer, what jumps out to me first in the passage is this... confession. Utter humility in confessing on behalf of himself and a nation the "open shame that falls on us". This is raw admission of guilt, folks. This is what we have done God. We have not followed you as you asked. We have disobeyed your commands. You are righteous, God. We are filled with shame. You are a great and awesome God who has kept your part of the covenant. We are a shameful people who have not kept ours. You are merciful and forgiving, God. We are rebels and sinners.
And this passage, where it ends at verse 10, leaves the prayer of confession wide open. There is no God (yet!) saying "I show you mercy. I forgive you. I love you." And therein, is the core of the Lenten Season. We live in these days, the moments of confession, of wondering and waiting for a Savior who can finally forgive us. Am I in the spirit of confession, of admitting my shame, of laying it out there, of acknowledging my failure to God in order to be prepared for His full and final forgiveness of my sin that came when the righteous, great, awesome, merciful and forgiving God was willingly nailed to a cross to bear the burden of my shame and rebellion and sin?
John 12: 44-50
What hits me head on in this teaching of Jesus ... "for I came not to judge the world but to save it" is that it is the response to Daniel's prayer of confession on behalf of his nation that we just saw in the Old Testament lesson. Daniel confesses and I think that he and the nation believed that God's wrath would come down on them, that God, who has every right to, was going to judge and punish them. \
But not so fast. Years ticked by...God was waiting for His Time to be complete, to come near. And Jesus is the Answer to the confession of our hearts. He ~ God ~ does not carry judgement at the core of his being. Yes, he has the right to judge and will/does, BUT... by Jesus's own words, God doesn't ultimately desire judgement, but for all His people to be saved and live eternally with Him.
There's not denying that someone has to take the punishment for what we have done. God cannot let sin be. There must be consequences. But Jesus... our righteous, great, awesome, merciful, forgiving God... spread out His arms wide to take our sins on himself. He came to save.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Lenten Readings for Evening
Psalm 42, 43
I read two Psalms like this and wonder, truly wonder, if the Psalmist lives in my head!!! And I suppose that is most probably the glory of the Scripture God has left for us. It is FOR US. He wrote it to reveal WHO HE IS to us for our benefit of learning to live in relationship with God and others, for the possibility of being able to know God as well as our little minds allow, in order to love Him as fully as our little hearts will let us.
This Psalm.. the waffling between mourning and hope is truly where I live...
My tears have been my food day and night (42:3)... where is your God? (42:10)... my soul is cast down (42:5)... why must I walk around mournfully? (43:2)
against
HOPE IN GOD! (42:5, 11; 43:5)
Back and forth and then, the pinnacle... Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? HOPE IN GOD! For I shall praise him, my help and my God. (42: 11; 43:5)
Sometime we have to remember there is hope even when our spirit is unsettled. Don't argue with the hope. It will always...always be there, somewhere.
Philippians 4: 10-20
Paul really knows how to go to the heart of things, doesn't he? One of the most famous verses and oft-quoted verses in the Bible is in this passage:
"I can do all things through him ~ Christ ~ who strengthens me". (13)
People love to say this to other people to encourage them to keep going, or to try something new that might seem impossible, or just because they don't know what else to say. But I wonder how many people in quoting this actually have read the verses surrounding it.
"For I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have plenty. I know what it is to have little. In ANY AND ALL circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need." (11-12)
The "can do" attitude Paul describes in verse 13 has little to do with doing the impossible, but more to do with living in your circumstances and being content where you are. Hey, it might mean doing more, but for me at least, I haven't LEARNED (and Paul uses that word twice to describe the process of being content) what it truly means to be content with little or much.
I want to know contentment and I hazard a guess to say that some of the trying circumstances I have experienced in my life have been the process for me of learning contentment. Granted, I am a slow learner. But maybe, just maybe, there is a purpose to the hard things. Paul certainly experienced his share of tough stuff... jail, beatings, hunger, homelessness, a thorn in the flesh, and on and on... and here he says "I have learned the secret"...
Oh God I pray someday I will be able to say that!
I read two Psalms like this and wonder, truly wonder, if the Psalmist lives in my head!!! And I suppose that is most probably the glory of the Scripture God has left for us. It is FOR US. He wrote it to reveal WHO HE IS to us for our benefit of learning to live in relationship with God and others, for the possibility of being able to know God as well as our little minds allow, in order to love Him as fully as our little hearts will let us.
This Psalm.. the waffling between mourning and hope is truly where I live...
My tears have been my food day and night (42:3)... where is your God? (42:10)... my soul is cast down (42:5)... why must I walk around mournfully? (43:2)
against
HOPE IN GOD! (42:5, 11; 43:5)
Back and forth and then, the pinnacle... Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you disquieted within me? HOPE IN GOD! For I shall praise him, my help and my God. (42: 11; 43:5)
Sometime we have to remember there is hope even when our spirit is unsettled. Don't argue with the hope. It will always...always be there, somewhere.
Philippians 4: 10-20
Paul really knows how to go to the heart of things, doesn't he? One of the most famous verses and oft-quoted verses in the Bible is in this passage:
"I can do all things through him ~ Christ ~ who strengthens me". (13)
People love to say this to other people to encourage them to keep going, or to try something new that might seem impossible, or just because they don't know what else to say. But I wonder how many people in quoting this actually have read the verses surrounding it.
"For I have learned to be content with whatever I have. I know what it is to have plenty. I know what it is to have little. In ANY AND ALL circumstances, I have learned the secret of being well-fed and of going hungry, of having plenty and of being in need." (11-12)
The "can do" attitude Paul describes in verse 13 has little to do with doing the impossible, but more to do with living in your circumstances and being content where you are. Hey, it might mean doing more, but for me at least, I haven't LEARNED (and Paul uses that word twice to describe the process of being content) what it truly means to be content with little or much.
I want to know contentment and I hazard a guess to say that some of the trying circumstances I have experienced in my life have been the process for me of learning contentment. Granted, I am a slow learner. But maybe, just maybe, there is a purpose to the hard things. Paul certainly experienced his share of tough stuff... jail, beatings, hunger, homelessness, a thorn in the flesh, and on and on... and here he says "I have learned the secret"...
Oh God I pray someday I will be able to say that!
Lenten Readings for Morning
Psalm 30
There's alot of people who don't like a structured reading or preaching schedule such as The Book of Common Prayer or the Lectionary (which is what I am using for my reading during this time), mostly because as they claim "it takes the Work of the Spirit" out of the work of the proclaimer. Well. This Psalm selection by those who select such things, aptly titled in my Bible Thanksgiving for Recovery from Grave Illness, could not be anymore from the Spirit as it is for me this morning.
I am home alone, on the couch, while my children and Hubby take a roadtrip to the farm. It's an adventure for sure, but I am certain it is not what my very tired Hubby longed to do on this snowy day. But he is so good to me. He didn't ask me if this was okay. He told me that he felt I needed the weekend to rest and work towards gaining strength. I am recovering from major surgery six weeks ago, a surgery that we hope is the next big step in how God is healing my body and spirit.
I don't know if David the Psalmist ever suffered from grave illness. He suffered from alot of things so I suppose this could be prayed on his own behalf. But that is hardly the point. The point is that this Psalm, one I had forgotten was here long ago, touches me deeply this morning, a word from the Holy Spirit, that indeed He, the Giver of Life who has the Power to Restore Life, is healing me.
I've prayed for healing for years from the pain and sorrow and weariness that comes from chronic illness. I've knelt at altars sobbing, begging. I've been surrounded by pastors as they laid hands on me. I've been anointed with oil. Prayed over by pastors from Africa, who know how to touch heaven even from the depths of hell. I have also watched as people are miraculously, instantly healed from disease and pain. I've walked with friends and parishioners as well, as their healing became full. I have prayed and begged for healing, and promised God that He would get all the glory for healing. I have done it for others and I have done it for myself.
Sometimes God heals as we hope he will. And sometimes He has other plans that we can't see or even begin to understand. This Psalm is a prayer of thanksgiving and so beautiful, and truly a help in a time of healing for me, as I seek God's peace and joyy in the middle of it all.
And verse 5 is the core of this passage to me, speaking of how really short-lived illness is in the whole scheme of things. Illness doesn't mean that God is angry with me but essentially, the need for healing comes out of God's justice for the whole human race. God wouldn't be angry had we not sinned in the first place. And healing would not be needed in this world had we not sinned in the first place. God is angry because of our sin, and one of the consequences of our fallenness is disease. God's healing is a sign of God's favor, undeserved in its full essence. So I can beg for it, and make all sorts of promises, but I really, in the whole of it, deserve nothing but what I get. None of us do. The fact that God shows His Favor at all to this obedient generation shows God's true character.
The Psalmist so beautiful sings:
Sing praises to the LORD, O you his faithful ones.
Give thanks to His Holy Name. (4)
For his anger is but for a moment. His Favor is for a lifetime. (5)
And here's the thankful part, where we shout for joy regardless of our present state:
You have turned my mourning into dancing.
You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
O LORD, I will give thanks to you forever.
Writers of Scripture since have echoed this sentiment... my circumstances do not define the need to give thanks.
Psalm 32
And just two psalms later there is this... a psalm that expresses the freedome and lightheartedness in the greatest healing of all, that of the clean heart that comes from humble confession and utter forgiveness. I have a hard time reading this Psalm as it was originally presented, by those looking still, longing for the Messiah who would set things right. It was hundreds of years yet until the Jesus we know as the Ultimate Forgiver was born.
But still, this writing expresses the central FACT of forgiveness. When I am silent, bearing the weight of the sins I have committed, my body literally groans and wastes away (4) from the heaviness of it all. It is in the 'acknowledging' of sin (5), in not hiding it anymore, in confessions, that the weight of guilt has the possibility of going away through the forgiveness of God.
Don't be stubborn and hang onto the things that should be confessed to God. It's not good for me or anyone. Confess, and I will "find my hiding place" (7). I will be delivered. (7). I will shout for joy. (11)
Ezekiel 39:21-29
Ezekiel again? What are they trying to do to me? The contrast for Israel between exile and deliverance is fairly constant in their history. And God always come through, keeping his promise to "restore the fortunes of Jacob, and have mercy on the whole house of Israel" (25). God is so faithful. How can anyone not see it? People cry out at what a vengeful God He is, how horrible that someone might actually suffer the consequences of their actions. God is an awful God, isn't he? Who would want to be loyal, to trust a God who gets angry?
Israel certainly suffered and felt that way ...exile, captivity, slavery, wandering, and on and on. And God could have delivered them from it all, but really, would that have helped? Do we need to sometimes go through stuff so we see God's mercy has clearer, truer? Do we need to suffer some so we understand the grace of God? Would we appreciate His restoring power, His deliverance, His Spirit upon us (29) if it weren't for the times of exile?
John 17: 20-26
Jesus continues to pray like the priest/pastor that He is, this time, pouring out His requests to the Father for those who do not yet know the Truth. Through Jesus' life and death, He left behind the potential for us on earth to live as one people, in unity. He prepared the potential believers for glory. He longed in the deepest of His being as expressed in His interceding prayer, that every single person "may be with me where I am" (24). He knew where he was going, what He was walking through, and what the final result would be. And He wanted that result for us, His brothers and sisters, too.
In this prayer, Jesus prayed FOR ME. He prayed for everyone who reads this. He prayed for those who do not yet know who He is, that His Name would be made known to all, so that all could be saved.
He prayed FOR ME.
There's alot of people who don't like a structured reading or preaching schedule such as The Book of Common Prayer or the Lectionary (which is what I am using for my reading during this time), mostly because as they claim "it takes the Work of the Spirit" out of the work of the proclaimer. Well. This Psalm selection by those who select such things, aptly titled in my Bible Thanksgiving for Recovery from Grave Illness, could not be anymore from the Spirit as it is for me this morning.
I am home alone, on the couch, while my children and Hubby take a roadtrip to the farm. It's an adventure for sure, but I am certain it is not what my very tired Hubby longed to do on this snowy day. But he is so good to me. He didn't ask me if this was okay. He told me that he felt I needed the weekend to rest and work towards gaining strength. I am recovering from major surgery six weeks ago, a surgery that we hope is the next big step in how God is healing my body and spirit.
I don't know if David the Psalmist ever suffered from grave illness. He suffered from alot of things so I suppose this could be prayed on his own behalf. But that is hardly the point. The point is that this Psalm, one I had forgotten was here long ago, touches me deeply this morning, a word from the Holy Spirit, that indeed He, the Giver of Life who has the Power to Restore Life, is healing me.
I've prayed for healing for years from the pain and sorrow and weariness that comes from chronic illness. I've knelt at altars sobbing, begging. I've been surrounded by pastors as they laid hands on me. I've been anointed with oil. Prayed over by pastors from Africa, who know how to touch heaven even from the depths of hell. I have also watched as people are miraculously, instantly healed from disease and pain. I've walked with friends and parishioners as well, as their healing became full. I have prayed and begged for healing, and promised God that He would get all the glory for healing. I have done it for others and I have done it for myself.
Sometimes God heals as we hope he will. And sometimes He has other plans that we can't see or even begin to understand. This Psalm is a prayer of thanksgiving and so beautiful, and truly a help in a time of healing for me, as I seek God's peace and joyy in the middle of it all.
And verse 5 is the core of this passage to me, speaking of how really short-lived illness is in the whole scheme of things. Illness doesn't mean that God is angry with me but essentially, the need for healing comes out of God's justice for the whole human race. God wouldn't be angry had we not sinned in the first place. And healing would not be needed in this world had we not sinned in the first place. God is angry because of our sin, and one of the consequences of our fallenness is disease. God's healing is a sign of God's favor, undeserved in its full essence. So I can beg for it, and make all sorts of promises, but I really, in the whole of it, deserve nothing but what I get. None of us do. The fact that God shows His Favor at all to this obedient generation shows God's true character.
The Psalmist so beautiful sings:
Sing praises to the LORD, O you his faithful ones.
Give thanks to His Holy Name. (4)
For his anger is but for a moment. His Favor is for a lifetime. (5)
And here's the thankful part, where we shout for joy regardless of our present state:
You have turned my mourning into dancing.
You have taken off my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
O LORD, I will give thanks to you forever.
Writers of Scripture since have echoed this sentiment... my circumstances do not define the need to give thanks.
Psalm 32
And just two psalms later there is this... a psalm that expresses the freedome and lightheartedness in the greatest healing of all, that of the clean heart that comes from humble confession and utter forgiveness. I have a hard time reading this Psalm as it was originally presented, by those looking still, longing for the Messiah who would set things right. It was hundreds of years yet until the Jesus we know as the Ultimate Forgiver was born.
But still, this writing expresses the central FACT of forgiveness. When I am silent, bearing the weight of the sins I have committed, my body literally groans and wastes away (4) from the heaviness of it all. It is in the 'acknowledging' of sin (5), in not hiding it anymore, in confessions, that the weight of guilt has the possibility of going away through the forgiveness of God.
Don't be stubborn and hang onto the things that should be confessed to God. It's not good for me or anyone. Confess, and I will "find my hiding place" (7). I will be delivered. (7). I will shout for joy. (11)
Ezekiel 39:21-29
Ezekiel again? What are they trying to do to me? The contrast for Israel between exile and deliverance is fairly constant in their history. And God always come through, keeping his promise to "restore the fortunes of Jacob, and have mercy on the whole house of Israel" (25). God is so faithful. How can anyone not see it? People cry out at what a vengeful God He is, how horrible that someone might actually suffer the consequences of their actions. God is an awful God, isn't he? Who would want to be loyal, to trust a God who gets angry?
Israel certainly suffered and felt that way ...exile, captivity, slavery, wandering, and on and on. And God could have delivered them from it all, but really, would that have helped? Do we need to sometimes go through stuff so we see God's mercy has clearer, truer? Do we need to suffer some so we understand the grace of God? Would we appreciate His restoring power, His deliverance, His Spirit upon us (29) if it weren't for the times of exile?
John 17: 20-26
Jesus continues to pray like the priest/pastor that He is, this time, pouring out His requests to the Father for those who do not yet know the Truth. Through Jesus' life and death, He left behind the potential for us on earth to live as one people, in unity. He prepared the potential believers for glory. He longed in the deepest of His being as expressed in His interceding prayer, that every single person "may be with me where I am" (24). He knew where he was going, what He was walking through, and what the final result would be. And He wanted that result for us, His brothers and sisters, too.
In this prayer, Jesus prayed FOR ME. He prayed for everyone who reads this. He prayed for those who do not yet know who He is, that His Name would be made known to all, so that all could be saved.
He prayed FOR ME.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Lenten Readings for Evening
Psalm 35
David sure had alot of enemies. Or maybe, if I think about it more, maybe he was more willing to name something or someone for what it was and then, and only then, pray for deliverance from what those who opposed his purpose in life threw at him.
I think too many times we don't know what we're asking God to do. We're not "naming names" of the things that bind us. We're not admitting that we really need to be delivered at all. We just want God to make it easy and not really overcome the stuff that confronts us.
David had real physical, in person, enemies. His position ~ calling ~ in life made it so. But the obstacles they put in front of him parallel what we face. We need to call it what it is and do the work of trusting God to work with us to overcome.
I used to read these prayers for deliverance and think "oh, I'm not in a battle so this doesn't apply to me". As far from the truth as anything I've thought that is for sure. God wants us to name our trials, our obstacles, our enemies (whether they be true human opposition or the things we do to ourselves) and then allow him to do His job of finding a way through, of delivering us.
David cries (17) out to God "How long?" I've been there. Am there. Sometimes it feels like the hard things just go on and on, and sometimes stuff happens, or is said in anger by someone else, and it feels like so much piling on... what's the use? Why won't God take care of this for me? But really... have I named it for what it is? Am I ready for true justice? Am I ready for how it might change me? Or how I might need to be changed for it to happen?
O LORD, how long? I am sure I won't like the answer. He's probably saying to me, "long enough for you to get it".
Philippians 4:1-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice.
Let your gentleness be known to everyone.
Don't worry about ANYTHING.
In everything, give thanks.
Let your requests be known to God.
Whatever is true...and honorable...and pure...and pleasing...commendable... if there's anything excellent or worthy of praise, THINK on that.
Do what you've learned. And heard and seen.
And God's peace which cannot be understood by my wee brain, will guard my heart and mind in Christ.
Is there anything else to say? THIS is, in a nutshell, how I want to live.
David sure had alot of enemies. Or maybe, if I think about it more, maybe he was more willing to name something or someone for what it was and then, and only then, pray for deliverance from what those who opposed his purpose in life threw at him.
I think too many times we don't know what we're asking God to do. We're not "naming names" of the things that bind us. We're not admitting that we really need to be delivered at all. We just want God to make it easy and not really overcome the stuff that confronts us.
David had real physical, in person, enemies. His position ~ calling ~ in life made it so. But the obstacles they put in front of him parallel what we face. We need to call it what it is and do the work of trusting God to work with us to overcome.
I used to read these prayers for deliverance and think "oh, I'm not in a battle so this doesn't apply to me". As far from the truth as anything I've thought that is for sure. God wants us to name our trials, our obstacles, our enemies (whether they be true human opposition or the things we do to ourselves) and then allow him to do His job of finding a way through, of delivering us.
David cries (17) out to God "How long?" I've been there. Am there. Sometimes it feels like the hard things just go on and on, and sometimes stuff happens, or is said in anger by someone else, and it feels like so much piling on... what's the use? Why won't God take care of this for me? But really... have I named it for what it is? Am I ready for true justice? Am I ready for how it might change me? Or how I might need to be changed for it to happen?
O LORD, how long? I am sure I won't like the answer. He's probably saying to me, "long enough for you to get it".
Philippians 4:1-9
Rejoice in the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice.
Let your gentleness be known to everyone.
Don't worry about ANYTHING.
In everything, give thanks.
Let your requests be known to God.
Whatever is true...and honorable...and pure...and pleasing...commendable... if there's anything excellent or worthy of praise, THINK on that.
Do what you've learned. And heard and seen.
And God's peace which cannot be understood by my wee brain, will guard my heart and mind in Christ.
Is there anything else to say? THIS is, in a nutshell, how I want to live.
Lenten Readings for Morning
Psalm 95
I can just hear the faith community gathered singing these words at the top of their lungs. Oh to be caught up with your church family praising God unabashedly, with power, and meaning it! Do we worship this way anymore? Truly? Would we as people be willing to just shout out these words without regard of what people around us think? And if we did, would we mean the very words we say? Surely, we are not performing for God and others...are we? Are we, without reserve, truly worshipping?
Let us make a joyful NOISE to HIM with songs of praise! (2)
Let us come before Him ~ first ~ with THANKSGIVING on our lips!
Let us worship and bow low, kneel before the One Who Made Us! (6)
Why would we do this?
For the LORD is a GREAT GOD! (3)
For the LORD is a GREAT KING above all others!
He holds the lowest and highest places of the earth in His Hands! (4)
He owns the sea and dry land... after all, He created it! (5)
He is our Creator! He is Our God!
Who are we?
We are His Creation.
We are the sheep of His pasture. (7)
O that today I will listen to His Voice! (7)
Psalm 31
When David wrote and sang this song, he was under alot of stress. He wanted God to listen. He wanted God to rescue him. He wanted God to protect him and save him. He wanted God to show His Grace.
David is sad...exhausted...weak...rejected...broken...paranoid...fearful.
Oh, how I can relate.
But after he pours out his heart and requests to God, he doesn't just lie down and expect God to make everything perfect right then and there. What he does next is remarkable... (v. 14)
Calmly. Powerfully. Wholly.
BUT.
I put my trust in you, O LORD.
I say, "you are my God".
My times are in your hand. (15)
O How ABUNDANT is your goodness.
O What You have accomplished for those who take refuge in you.
You hide us in the shelter of your just being here. You hold us safe. (20)
BLESSED be the LORD, who wondrously shows his everlasting love to me.
Deliver me, God, from the ones who want to hurt me.
Let your face shine on me, your servant.
Save me in your steadfast love.
Don't let me be put to shame, O LORD. (16)
David doesn't just cry out with his fears and frustrations and then gives up. David cries out knowing Who God is to Him... God is Good. God is Safe. God is Grace. God is Love. That is how David lived through the stressful times. I must do that too.
Ezekiel 18: 1-4; 25-32
The Book of Ezekiel does not record the cheeriest of stuff. In fact, it is the only book in the Bible that I haven't made it through (and there are many that have been read dozens of time). It's that icky. And frankly, even in reading this passage, I still don't get it.
What is this meant to say to me in this Season of Lent?
This passage, on the surface (which is how I am reading it for these writings... I am not researching the depths I am sure are contained in all these passages, but rather speaking of what I see in light of my life circumstances and season at this moment) talks about (gasp...sputter)
...the unfairness of life. Or more specifically, is God unfair in the way he treats people? Treading lightly here, the complaint (v. 25-26) is that when the righteous turn away they are punished for their sings, but when the wicked turn turn away, they are saved from their sins.
Seems, yes, on the surface to have an element of unfairness there. But...
is it really that way? Is God an unfair judge? Or is he just saying plainly (v. 31) "Don't sin. Stop committing the wrong things. Get yourself a new heart, a new spirit and wow... gasp...sputter...you won't have anything to worry about."
To know God means that unfairness doesn't exist for Him, in His will. He doesn't like the punishing anymore than He likes having to be the judge. If we could just face the fact that we need a new heart and new spirit to really know the God who wants to embrace us all, then we wouldn't have to worry about God being unfair at all, but rather bask in His love for always.
John 17: 9-19
Jesus continues to pray in this passage, for his closest friends and disciples. He loves them and begs God to protect them in the hard road ahead. Jesus won't be there anymore to watch out for them, speak for them, correct and discipline them. Jesus asks his Father to help them through, because the world doesn't accept their different way any longer. He prays for their sanctification, for them to be set apart in a new way so they can fulfill the calling on their lives.
These words of Jesus touch me to the core of who I am as a person called into ministry. That Jesus in the middle of what he knew were his last days...last words...would cry out on behalf of the Beloved who have given up their lives in the world really makes me realize that Jesus knew...he knows... what we all go through as followers of Christ. He knew it would be hard. He expected nothing less than hardship. But he also expected the walk to be filled with the presence of God at every turn. Thanks be to God for His calling on my life, and for His presence as I try to walk in obedience to this call, and for Jesus' interceding prayers on my behalf.
I can just hear the faith community gathered singing these words at the top of their lungs. Oh to be caught up with your church family praising God unabashedly, with power, and meaning it! Do we worship this way anymore? Truly? Would we as people be willing to just shout out these words without regard of what people around us think? And if we did, would we mean the very words we say? Surely, we are not performing for God and others...are we? Are we, without reserve, truly worshipping?
Let us make a joyful NOISE to HIM with songs of praise! (2)
Let us come before Him ~ first ~ with THANKSGIVING on our lips!
Let us worship and bow low, kneel before the One Who Made Us! (6)
Why would we do this?
For the LORD is a GREAT GOD! (3)
For the LORD is a GREAT KING above all others!
He holds the lowest and highest places of the earth in His Hands! (4)
He owns the sea and dry land... after all, He created it! (5)
He is our Creator! He is Our God!
Who are we?
We are His Creation.
We are the sheep of His pasture. (7)
O that today I will listen to His Voice! (7)
Psalm 31
When David wrote and sang this song, he was under alot of stress. He wanted God to listen. He wanted God to rescue him. He wanted God to protect him and save him. He wanted God to show His Grace.
David is sad...exhausted...weak...rejected...broken...paranoid...fearful.
Oh, how I can relate.
But after he pours out his heart and requests to God, he doesn't just lie down and expect God to make everything perfect right then and there. What he does next is remarkable... (v. 14)
Calmly. Powerfully. Wholly.
BUT.
I put my trust in you, O LORD.
I say, "you are my God".
My times are in your hand. (15)
O How ABUNDANT is your goodness.
O What You have accomplished for those who take refuge in you.
You hide us in the shelter of your just being here. You hold us safe. (20)
BLESSED be the LORD, who wondrously shows his everlasting love to me.
Deliver me, God, from the ones who want to hurt me.
Let your face shine on me, your servant.
Save me in your steadfast love.
Don't let me be put to shame, O LORD. (16)
David doesn't just cry out with his fears and frustrations and then gives up. David cries out knowing Who God is to Him... God is Good. God is Safe. God is Grace. God is Love. That is how David lived through the stressful times. I must do that too.
Ezekiel 18: 1-4; 25-32
The Book of Ezekiel does not record the cheeriest of stuff. In fact, it is the only book in the Bible that I haven't made it through (and there are many that have been read dozens of time). It's that icky. And frankly, even in reading this passage, I still don't get it.
What is this meant to say to me in this Season of Lent?
This passage, on the surface (which is how I am reading it for these writings... I am not researching the depths I am sure are contained in all these passages, but rather speaking of what I see in light of my life circumstances and season at this moment) talks about (gasp...sputter)
...the unfairness of life. Or more specifically, is God unfair in the way he treats people? Treading lightly here, the complaint (v. 25-26) is that when the righteous turn away they are punished for their sings, but when the wicked turn turn away, they are saved from their sins.
Seems, yes, on the surface to have an element of unfairness there. But...
is it really that way? Is God an unfair judge? Or is he just saying plainly (v. 31) "Don't sin. Stop committing the wrong things. Get yourself a new heart, a new spirit and wow... gasp...sputter...you won't have anything to worry about."
To know God means that unfairness doesn't exist for Him, in His will. He doesn't like the punishing anymore than He likes having to be the judge. If we could just face the fact that we need a new heart and new spirit to really know the God who wants to embrace us all, then we wouldn't have to worry about God being unfair at all, but rather bask in His love for always.
John 17: 9-19
Jesus continues to pray in this passage, for his closest friends and disciples. He loves them and begs God to protect them in the hard road ahead. Jesus won't be there anymore to watch out for them, speak for them, correct and discipline them. Jesus asks his Father to help them through, because the world doesn't accept their different way any longer. He prays for their sanctification, for them to be set apart in a new way so they can fulfill the calling on their lives.
These words of Jesus touch me to the core of who I am as a person called into ministry. That Jesus in the middle of what he knew were his last days...last words...would cry out on behalf of the Beloved who have given up their lives in the world really makes me realize that Jesus knew...he knows... what we all go through as followers of Christ. He knew it would be hard. He expected nothing less than hardship. But he also expected the walk to be filled with the presence of God at every turn. Thanks be to God for His calling on my life, and for His presence as I try to walk in obedience to this call, and for Jesus' interceding prayers on my behalf.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Lent Readings for the Evening
Psalm 37: 19-40
Once again, the contrast of the future of those who do evil as opposed to those "blessed by the LORD", those who are righteous is quite stark. The Wicked perish...vanish. The Righteous inherit the land and are kept safe forever. But that's not all.
"Those who are blessed by the LORD shall inherit the land. Our steps are made firm by the LORD, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the LORD holds us by the hand."
These words are such a comfort! First, the psalmist speaks of how our steps aren't like walking on an icy path if we walk with the LORD (v. 23) , but rather, we walk firmly, holding his hand. And even further, when we stumble ~ when things don't go exactly as they are intended ~ we don't fall flat on our faces (24) ...no...we can rest assured that His Hands are strong enough to hold us up when the path seems slippery.
I needed to hear that today, as we face yet again, decisions regarding our future. I desire so much to for God to delight in my ways. I desire so much to be a blessing wherever I am. And I fear the stumbling that has happened, and yes, will happen. But God's Word makes it clear that there is no reason to fear.
He holds my hand. (24)
He will not forsake the faithful ones. (28)
He will keep the righteous safe. (29)
Our future is secure. (29)
Our steps do not slip. (31)
He is the salvation of the righteous. (39)
He is our refuge in times of trouble (39)
The LORD helps. (40)
I can handle those promises.
Philippians 3: 12-21
This letter was written by Paul to the Church in Philippi. I have thought in the dozens of times that I have read Philippians, that I am certain I was sitting on the front row. It's like this letter speaks to me in ways that alot of other parts of Scripture do not at this point in my life. And this very passage is so timely as we seem to be in yet another decision making process about our future in ministry. And couple that with my continued time of physical healing the words of verse 12 are so timely:
Not that I have already obtained this ~ 'this' being knowing Christ (v. 11) ~ or have already reached the goal, but I PRESS ON to make it my own, because Jesus Christ has made me his own.
This is a firm and timely reminder that life is a journey. And as cliche as that sounds, there is no other way to speak of it. We never reach the goal until God says we do. And the joy in this journey, and purpose as well, is in the 'pressing on' toward it. What a great way to live! There is a goal, and we get to do the work of moving toward it!
We strain toward the prize (v. 13) , leaving all the past stuff in our wake, and look forward to what lies ahead, in the end, finally, the prize... being a citizen of Heaven (v. 20), and there, being transformed from this humiliatingly frail and fragile shell of a human into the Children of God we are created to be.
Once again, the contrast of the future of those who do evil as opposed to those "blessed by the LORD", those who are righteous is quite stark. The Wicked perish...vanish. The Righteous inherit the land and are kept safe forever. But that's not all.
"Those who are blessed by the LORD shall inherit the land. Our steps are made firm by the LORD, when he delights in our way; though we stumble, we shall not fall headlong, for the LORD holds us by the hand."
These words are such a comfort! First, the psalmist speaks of how our steps aren't like walking on an icy path if we walk with the LORD (v. 23) , but rather, we walk firmly, holding his hand. And even further, when we stumble ~ when things don't go exactly as they are intended ~ we don't fall flat on our faces (24) ...no...we can rest assured that His Hands are strong enough to hold us up when the path seems slippery.
I needed to hear that today, as we face yet again, decisions regarding our future. I desire so much to for God to delight in my ways. I desire so much to be a blessing wherever I am. And I fear the stumbling that has happened, and yes, will happen. But God's Word makes it clear that there is no reason to fear.
He holds my hand. (24)
He will not forsake the faithful ones. (28)
He will keep the righteous safe. (29)
Our future is secure. (29)
Our steps do not slip. (31)
He is the salvation of the righteous. (39)
He is our refuge in times of trouble (39)
The LORD helps. (40)
I can handle those promises.
Philippians 3: 12-21
This letter was written by Paul to the Church in Philippi. I have thought in the dozens of times that I have read Philippians, that I am certain I was sitting on the front row. It's like this letter speaks to me in ways that alot of other parts of Scripture do not at this point in my life. And this very passage is so timely as we seem to be in yet another decision making process about our future in ministry. And couple that with my continued time of physical healing the words of verse 12 are so timely:
Not that I have already obtained this ~ 'this' being knowing Christ (v. 11) ~ or have already reached the goal, but I PRESS ON to make it my own, because Jesus Christ has made me his own.
This is a firm and timely reminder that life is a journey. And as cliche as that sounds, there is no other way to speak of it. We never reach the goal until God says we do. And the joy in this journey, and purpose as well, is in the 'pressing on' toward it. What a great way to live! There is a goal, and we get to do the work of moving toward it!
We strain toward the prize (v. 13) , leaving all the past stuff in our wake, and look forward to what lies ahead, in the end, finally, the prize... being a citizen of Heaven (v. 20), and there, being transformed from this humiliatingly frail and fragile shell of a human into the Children of God we are created to be.
Lent Readings for the morning: Thursday, February 18, 2010
Psalm 37: 1-18
Verses 4-5 of this passage has been a favorite of mine from long ago... trust in the Lord and do good; take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. It was a life-altering thought some nearly 20 years ago when I discovered that this does mean "pray hard and God will give you what you want, but rather, make your desires parallel to what God wants for you and it will all be right".
But even further, this reading forces me to look at my choices, that of the righteous person versus the wicked. I may not see the wicked way in me, but God does and He speaks to that by admonishing me to "trust in Him"..."do not fret"..."be still before the LORD"..."refrain from anger"..."wait upon the LORD"..."be meek"..."be content with little"...
ALL this says is that my focus must not be on making things right by forcing those who might not have my best interests at heart (or maybe have evil intentions) ~ justice for the sake of my own redemption ~ but on trusting that the LORD will "uphold the righteous"..."cause wrongdoers to wither like the grass"..."make vindication shine like a light"..."cut off the wicked".
See, the LORD makes my job easy. He makes trusting Him easy compared to His job of justice and vindication for what is evil and wrong with the world.
Am I truly delighting myself in the LORD?
Habakkuk 3:1-18
This is one of the most marked up chapters in my Bible. The Prophet Habakkuk prays earnestly to God, declaring His glory and power, honoring God's desire for discipline among His people, and the need of God to display His anger when He sees people doing what they do and not following Him. His anger comes NOT because he's plain mad, but because He's sad that we do these things to ourselves. His anger is what saves us. And even further, the words of verse 17 and following, words of trust in the middle of trouble, words of joy in the middle of poverty:
Though the fig tree does not blossom, and not fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive tree fails and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls,
YET I will REJOICE in the LORD!!!!
I will exult in the God of my salvation.
God the LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights.
To the God who is able to bring rejoicing in loss goes glory!
John 17:1-8
Much of the chapters preceding this prayer are Jesus' words about Himself, teaching those who will listen ~ let him that have ears, hear! ~ who He is. And at this point "he turns to heaven" and talks directly to His Father. And amazingly enough to me anyway, God prays to God for Himself. He knows the time has come for their plan to come to a climax, and I wonder, in His humanness, if He wonders if He could do it, all the while as God, knowing He could do nothing less than save His people. So He prays, for no other reason, to show us how to pray, how to ask God for God to be glorified in the very act of living out our purposes on earth.
Jesus also prays for the ones who follow Him, whom He has chosen and I suppose, who have limited capacity to understand what is about to happen. He honors His followers as "gifts from God". He acknowledges that they believe. And he prays this in front of them in what seems like affirmation of their calling as His Disciples.
Verses 4-5 of this passage has been a favorite of mine from long ago... trust in the Lord and do good; take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. It was a life-altering thought some nearly 20 years ago when I discovered that this does mean "pray hard and God will give you what you want, but rather, make your desires parallel to what God wants for you and it will all be right".
But even further, this reading forces me to look at my choices, that of the righteous person versus the wicked. I may not see the wicked way in me, but God does and He speaks to that by admonishing me to "trust in Him"..."do not fret"..."be still before the LORD"..."refrain from anger"..."wait upon the LORD"..."be meek"..."be content with little"...
ALL this says is that my focus must not be on making things right by forcing those who might not have my best interests at heart (or maybe have evil intentions) ~ justice for the sake of my own redemption ~ but on trusting that the LORD will "uphold the righteous"..."cause wrongdoers to wither like the grass"..."make vindication shine like a light"..."cut off the wicked".
See, the LORD makes my job easy. He makes trusting Him easy compared to His job of justice and vindication for what is evil and wrong with the world.
Am I truly delighting myself in the LORD?
Habakkuk 3:1-18
This is one of the most marked up chapters in my Bible. The Prophet Habakkuk prays earnestly to God, declaring His glory and power, honoring God's desire for discipline among His people, and the need of God to display His anger when He sees people doing what they do and not following Him. His anger comes NOT because he's plain mad, but because He's sad that we do these things to ourselves. His anger is what saves us. And even further, the words of verse 17 and following, words of trust in the middle of trouble, words of joy in the middle of poverty:
Though the fig tree does not blossom, and not fruit is on the vines;
though the produce of the olive tree fails and the fields yield no food;
though the flock is cut off from the fold and there is no herd in the stalls,
YET I will REJOICE in the LORD!!!!
I will exult in the God of my salvation.
God the LORD is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, and makes me tread upon the heights.
To the God who is able to bring rejoicing in loss goes glory!
John 17:1-8
Much of the chapters preceding this prayer are Jesus' words about Himself, teaching those who will listen ~ let him that have ears, hear! ~ who He is. And at this point "he turns to heaven" and talks directly to His Father. And amazingly enough to me anyway, God prays to God for Himself. He knows the time has come for their plan to come to a climax, and I wonder, in His humanness, if He wonders if He could do it, all the while as God, knowing He could do nothing less than save His people. So He prays, for no other reason, to show us how to pray, how to ask God for God to be glorified in the very act of living out our purposes on earth.
Jesus also prays for the ones who follow Him, whom He has chosen and I suppose, who have limited capacity to understand what is about to happen. He honors His followers as "gifts from God". He acknowledges that they believe. And he prays this in front of them in what seems like affirmation of their calling as His Disciples.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Where I am Right now... another character building journey
"We are inclined to think that everything that happens is to be turned into useful teaching. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character." ~ Oswald Chambers
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character;
and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
(Romans 5:1-5)
It's been a hard year But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like...
Character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope,
I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out,
hoping You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like... Character
by Sara Groves from her album All Right Here
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character;
and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
(Romans 5:1-5)
It's been a hard year But I'm climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it's
Less like tearing, more like building
Less like captive, more like willing
Less like breakdown, more like surrender
Less like haunting, more like remember
And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars and more like...
Character
Less like a prison, more like my room
It's less like a casket, more like a womb
Less like dying, more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending
And I feel you here And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
Just a little while ago I couldn't feel the power or the hope
I couldn't cope,
I couldn't feel a thing
Just a little while back I was desperate, broken, laid out,
hoping You would come
And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you
And I know you're here
And you're picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands, a bad, bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
Look less like scars
And more like... Character
by Sara Groves from her album All Right Here
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Solid
Whenever I start doubting the day to day, I put this song on repeat and play it over and over until I'm solidly where I need to be again.
by Natalie Grant from her CD Relentless.
by Natalie Grant from her CD Relentless.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
My Life Verses... from where else? Lamentations.
I really am, if you know me at all, an optimistic and hopeful person. Over all. But I must admit that there are times that I get caught up in the hard stuff, and when I sit back and think about it, there have been some real moments of trial in my life, times of testing, going through a fire if you will. And sometimes, I've ended up a little bit (or a lot) bitter...regretful, but true.
But you know what? It always comes down to the lovely recall that my Savior is faithful. My God is the one true God, and in spite of my venting...fighting...shaking my fist at God, each and every morning he returns to me true, full of mercy, full of never ending love, always faithful.
And that knowing is why my life verses come from the oddes of places for a hopeful person, the book of Lamentations. I speak of the day that it became apparent that my the crux of what matters in my life were contained in these verses in this post. It's actually a sermon (sorry.) that I was privileged to preach when our much longed for daughter Bug was a month old. She came to us through a long and winding road that includes infertility and loss and adoption and on that morning we were celebrating her joining our family with our church family through a shower for our daughter. It really was glorious. And the song I chose to close the service was this one... Great is They Faithfulness.
And that wasn't the first time we've used that song in celebration. Our wedding day we sang it together with the 400 and some family and friends who joined us for that amazing day. And since our wedding day, we've had this favorite hymn a part of the celebration of Bug and Si's dedication ceremonies, when we committed to raise them to love Christ, giving them back to God for His use. Because of what this song represents to me, I can't get through it ever without tears flowing, hands lifted in praise for I know He is faithful. He is. All I have needed His hand does provide.
And these verses from Lamentations are the crux of life for me. Where I end in my own attempts to keep up the hope, when I can't find peace, I needn't look further than the only One in whom we can find true HOPE... a faithful God whose mercies fall without measure, whose love is sure and endless.
When you start the book of Lamentations, it sure doesn't look like this is where it is going. The author of this book is definitely at the end of his rope. There's nothing, absolutely nothing that has happened in his (or her!) life that makes sense, that "feels" good, that seems right. And still, he/she gets to the point of nothingness... no peace...no joy... and...
from Sara Groves' CD Conversations
That is where my hope is found... wholly, solely in a God who loves me unfailingly, whose mercies cover my sins, my fears, my struggles, my life.
Sometimes hope can only be found in the end of knowing what it is to live without hope. Sometimes hope shines brighter when you've gone through the trial. Maybe that is what makes the trial, the something to lament about, worth it. I cling to that... and hope.
But you know what? It always comes down to the lovely recall that my Savior is faithful. My God is the one true God, and in spite of my venting...fighting...shaking my fist at God, each and every morning he returns to me true, full of mercy, full of never ending love, always faithful.
And that knowing is why my life verses come from the oddes of places for a hopeful person, the book of Lamentations. I speak of the day that it became apparent that my the crux of what matters in my life were contained in these verses in this post. It's actually a sermon (sorry.) that I was privileged to preach when our much longed for daughter Bug was a month old. She came to us through a long and winding road that includes infertility and loss and adoption and on that morning we were celebrating her joining our family with our church family through a shower for our daughter. It really was glorious. And the song I chose to close the service was this one... Great is They Faithfulness.
Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father;
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not;
As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Summer and winter and springtime and harvest,
Sun, moon and stars in their courses above
Join with all nature in manifold witness
To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth
Thine own dear presence to cheer and to guide;
Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,
Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Great is Thy faithfulness!
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed Thy hand hath provided;
Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me!
And that wasn't the first time we've used that song in celebration. Our wedding day we sang it together with the 400 and some family and friends who joined us for that amazing day. And since our wedding day, we've had this favorite hymn a part of the celebration of Bug and Si's dedication ceremonies, when we committed to raise them to love Christ, giving them back to God for His use. Because of what this song represents to me, I can't get through it ever without tears flowing, hands lifted in praise for I know He is faithful. He is. All I have needed His hand does provide.
And these verses from Lamentations are the crux of life for me. Where I end in my own attempts to keep up the hope, when I can't find peace, I needn't look further than the only One in whom we can find true HOPE... a faithful God whose mercies fall without measure, whose love is sure and endless.
When you start the book of Lamentations, it sure doesn't look like this is where it is going. The author of this book is definitely at the end of his rope. There's nothing, absolutely nothing that has happened in his (or her!) life that makes sense, that "feels" good, that seems right. And still, he/she gets to the point of nothingness... no peace...no joy... and...
Even at times when my soul can't find peace, when the happy stuff is hard to see from here, this ONE thing I call to mind and then I have HOPE... the steadfast love of the LORD never ceases, his mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is Your Faithfulness. The LORD is my portion. And therefore I will hope in Him." (From Lamentations 3)
from Sara Groves' CD Conversations
That is where my hope is found... wholly, solely in a God who loves me unfailingly, whose mercies cover my sins, my fears, my struggles, my life.
Sometimes hope can only be found in the end of knowing what it is to live without hope. Sometimes hope shines brighter when you've gone through the trial. Maybe that is what makes the trial, the something to lament about, worth it. I cling to that... and hope.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Why Fear? Jesus shows his storm-killing power.
One day Jesus got into a boat with his closest friends, the people who (supposedly) knew him best, and he said to them, "Let's go to the other side." So they started across the lake and while they were sailing, Jesus fell asleep. A huge windstorm swept across the lake, and the waves were fiercely beating the boat, which was filling with water faster than the disciples could get it out, and they were in danger. They went to where Jesus was sleeping quietly on a soft cushion, shouting and screaming "Master, we are dying here! Don't you care about us????" Jesus woke up and rebuked the wind, and shouted to the sea, "PEACE! BE STILL!" And then he turned to his beloved friends and said, "WHY ARE YOU AFRAID? Do you have so little faith in me?" They stood there in awe and in fear and said to each other, "Who is this, that even the wind and the waves obey him?" (From Matthew, Mark and Luke)...
I forget, so easily forget in the middle of the storms in my life, that my Beloved Friend Jesus has power over the winds and the waves. He will never fail me, even when it seems he is sleeping through the worst of my pain. I believe always...
I forget, so easily forget in the middle of the storms in my life, that my Beloved Friend Jesus has power over the winds and the waves. He will never fail me, even when it seems he is sleeping through the worst of my pain. I believe always...
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Why Fear? Even though I am powerless, He is Strength.
Have you not known or heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint.
He does not grow weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint.
He strengthens the powerless.
Even the youngest will faint and be weary...
even the young will fall exhausted.
But those who WAIT ~ HOPE ~ for the LORD, shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles.
They shall run and not be weary.
They shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:27-31)
The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint.
He does not grow weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint.
He strengthens the powerless.
Even the youngest will faint and be weary...
even the young will fall exhausted.
But those who WAIT ~ HOPE ~ for the LORD, shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up with wings like eagles.
They shall run and not be weary.
They shall walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:27-31)
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Speaking of Fear...
This series of posts has been in the works for a couple of years, really. For most of 2007 and early 2008, I spent an afternoon a week heading to see a Christian counselor in order to make sense of some of the things that had happened in my life. Regardless of how much faith I have in a "God is able to do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine" (Ephesians 3:20), I struggle with an anger that sometimes scares me and often affects the most important relationships in my life.
And in this time of counseling, it became increasingly more clear that my anger had become a crutch to NOT deal with what was underneath.
Fear.
Fear was underneath.
Fear of an uncertain future.
Fear for my kid's health.
Fear for my family's well-being.
Fear for what hard thing would be coming my way next.
Fear.
Fear turned to an outpouring of anger that hurt those around me, and I couldn't...wouldn't let it keep happening. That time taught me so many things. Since my counselor was outwardly Christian, we could talk about how much of my anger was directed at God for fear of what HE would do next to us. The downside at times of being a follower of God is that you can grow to expect good things from him, and get lulled into the belief that obedience garners his favor. That surely if I am doing His work, with all that I've sacrificed to be His servant, surely his favor would be on us, and only good things would come our way.
And then they don't and unacknowledged disappointment can sometimes turn into a seething that breaks up the soul. And I was heading down that path, and it was plain scary. I could see life falling apart if I didn't get control ~ my first thought, although it was really healing and understanding I was looking for ~ of it... loss of relationship with the people I loved most ~ Hubby, my two precious kids, dear family, friends, even the God I serve ~ loss of comfort in not knowing myself, loss of hope for a future that has years of potential left, and so much more.
That seething... scary... sad... when faced to the truth that it was less about what I had felt others and God had done to me, but more about how fearful I was of the unknown that might be lurking around the next corner, or in the dark shadows ~ that seething became less my comfortable friend ~ living mad ~ and more the adversary I had to fight.
So I turned, as I have learned to do so many times in my life, but of course, fail to do often enough, to the Place with the Answers, my Bible, the Book where you can get to know God better to understand the "whys" and "whats" and other "w"s that mark the questioning life.
And in it I found word upon word and passage upon passage about what God thinks of fear. How God expects us to handle the fears we encounter in living in an uncertain world. And most importantly WHO GOD IS in the world and why that means we can live the fearless life.
Over and again, as I found hundreds* (literally!) of places where God addresses our fears, turth was revealed. In the end, fear, whether for my own safety or the safety of my family can be very real. But you can't live there. And even further, MOST of the time, my fear came from the possible growth that might happen if there were more hard circumstances to come in my life. I wanted to curl up and say "God, have we not done enough work in this area? What more do you ask of me?"
And in the end, the question, the only question that remained is this:
Do I not trust God, know him enough, to know he’s taking care of me?
His WORD reveals who He is to anyone who wants to know him. So what does the Bible ~ the whole of it ~ say about my fear, and who God is in the middle of a world that leaves me fearful. Who is God to me that I don’t have to fear?
After searching his Word to know God more it became clear that God doesn't just coddle us into trusting Him. He commands it. He demands us to trust him. And He ALWAYS says these things...
DO NOT FEAR.
Be strong.
Have courage.
Be still.
Know me.
Seek me.
Trust me.
In these commands lay the hope for my future, one not laced with anger and fear but with optimisim and joy. It is truthfully the way I've been striving to live these last many months. It is a journey of healing, of seeing His Light, and learning again how God does have my best in mind, even through the hard stuff.
The next several entries will be just a tasting of the many passages that brought God's truth about fear to light for me. I hope they do for you as well.
*My Scripture search was very basic and didn't require the Seminary degree I have (although that came in handy). I started on a personal prayer retreat, opening my Bible to the concordance and listing all the passages found there. And in reading those passages, I found cross-referenced passages that led me to more and more verses on the topic. This is for me, how I truly begin to know and understand God, not by staying in the main stream (although many of the passages I am choosing to outline in this series are main stream) but seeing the stuff in the lesser known corners of the Bible alongside the lauded and well-loved passages. That's just a hint of how you might go about doing your own study on a "topic" you need to hear from God about.
And in this time of counseling, it became increasingly more clear that my anger had become a crutch to NOT deal with what was underneath.
Fear.
Fear was underneath.
Fear of an uncertain future.
Fear for my kid's health.
Fear for my family's well-being.
Fear for what hard thing would be coming my way next.
Fear.
Fear turned to an outpouring of anger that hurt those around me, and I couldn't...wouldn't let it keep happening. That time taught me so many things. Since my counselor was outwardly Christian, we could talk about how much of my anger was directed at God for fear of what HE would do next to us. The downside at times of being a follower of God is that you can grow to expect good things from him, and get lulled into the belief that obedience garners his favor. That surely if I am doing His work, with all that I've sacrificed to be His servant, surely his favor would be on us, and only good things would come our way.
And then they don't and unacknowledged disappointment can sometimes turn into a seething that breaks up the soul. And I was heading down that path, and it was plain scary. I could see life falling apart if I didn't get control ~ my first thought, although it was really healing and understanding I was looking for ~ of it... loss of relationship with the people I loved most ~ Hubby, my two precious kids, dear family, friends, even the God I serve ~ loss of comfort in not knowing myself, loss of hope for a future that has years of potential left, and so much more.
That seething... scary... sad... when faced to the truth that it was less about what I had felt others and God had done to me, but more about how fearful I was of the unknown that might be lurking around the next corner, or in the dark shadows ~ that seething became less my comfortable friend ~ living mad ~ and more the adversary I had to fight.
So I turned, as I have learned to do so many times in my life, but of course, fail to do often enough, to the Place with the Answers, my Bible, the Book where you can get to know God better to understand the "whys" and "whats" and other "w"s that mark the questioning life.
And in it I found word upon word and passage upon passage about what God thinks of fear. How God expects us to handle the fears we encounter in living in an uncertain world. And most importantly WHO GOD IS in the world and why that means we can live the fearless life.
Over and again, as I found hundreds* (literally!) of places where God addresses our fears, turth was revealed. In the end, fear, whether for my own safety or the safety of my family can be very real. But you can't live there. And even further, MOST of the time, my fear came from the possible growth that might happen if there were more hard circumstances to come in my life. I wanted to curl up and say "God, have we not done enough work in this area? What more do you ask of me?"
And in the end, the question, the only question that remained is this:
Do I not trust God, know him enough, to know he’s taking care of me?
His WORD reveals who He is to anyone who wants to know him. So what does the Bible ~ the whole of it ~ say about my fear, and who God is in the middle of a world that leaves me fearful. Who is God to me that I don’t have to fear?
After searching his Word to know God more it became clear that God doesn't just coddle us into trusting Him. He commands it. He demands us to trust him. And He ALWAYS says these things...
DO NOT FEAR.
Be strong.
Have courage.
Be still.
Know me.
Seek me.
Trust me.
In these commands lay the hope for my future, one not laced with anger and fear but with optimisim and joy. It is truthfully the way I've been striving to live these last many months. It is a journey of healing, of seeing His Light, and learning again how God does have my best in mind, even through the hard stuff.
The next several entries will be just a tasting of the many passages that brought God's truth about fear to light for me. I hope they do for you as well.
*My Scripture search was very basic and didn't require the Seminary degree I have (although that came in handy). I started on a personal prayer retreat, opening my Bible to the concordance and listing all the passages found there. And in reading those passages, I found cross-referenced passages that led me to more and more verses on the topic. This is for me, how I truly begin to know and understand God, not by staying in the main stream (although many of the passages I am choosing to outline in this series are main stream) but seeing the stuff in the lesser known corners of the Bible alongside the lauded and well-loved passages. That's just a hint of how you might go about doing your own study on a "topic" you need to hear from God about.
Sometimes it is hard to feel like He is listening.
Does He hear? Does He care about the things that matter to me?
But in this doubt, it hits me time and again.
He has proven Himself true.
I can trust the Unseen because He is not unknown to me.
And he wants me to cry out to Him with my needs, but in the end, He also wants what is best for me.
"What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He didn't keep His own Son from us, will He not give us everything else? Can anything ever separate us from the Love of Christ? Does it mean He no longer loves me if I have trouble, or distress, or feel hunger or pain? If I'm attacked or in danger, does that mean He no longer cares? I AM CONVINCED that NOTHING can ever separate us from God's Love. Neither death nor life, angels or demons, neither our FEARS for today nor our worries about tomorrow. No power in the sky or on the earth... nothing will separate us."
(From Romans 8)...
I am NEVER alone.
By BarlowGirl from their CD Another Journal Entry
Does He hear? Does He care about the things that matter to me?
But in this doubt, it hits me time and again.
He has proven Himself true.
I can trust the Unseen because He is not unknown to me.
And he wants me to cry out to Him with my needs, but in the end, He also wants what is best for me.
"What then are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He didn't keep His own Son from us, will He not give us everything else? Can anything ever separate us from the Love of Christ? Does it mean He no longer loves me if I have trouble, or distress, or feel hunger or pain? If I'm attacked or in danger, does that mean He no longer cares? I AM CONVINCED that NOTHING can ever separate us from God's Love. Neither death nor life, angels or demons, neither our FEARS for today nor our worries about tomorrow. No power in the sky or on the earth... nothing will separate us."
(From Romans 8)...
I am NEVER alone.
By BarlowGirl from their CD Another Journal Entry
Sunday, January 25, 2009
I serve a God Who is Able ...
I know this is the lazy way to do it, but I ask you to visit my main blog for a post that is significant for here as well. Have a blessed day...
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